Grief... it kinda creeps up on you

We all know that trials are a part of life, but they are such a challenge as you walk through them.  James 1 reminds us to "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have is perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

One of the darkest times in my life also produced some of my deepest times of reliance on the Lord.  It was seven years ago when my mom's renal failure and mental illness collided into the hardest year of my life.  She eventually passed away in November 2007 and I was left with so many conflicting emotions... from immense grief, to relief, and guilt, as well as joy in remembering the many great memories and a mom who taught me what it means to selflessly serve others.

After seven years, the grief does not consume me the way it once did, but grief has a funny way of creeping up on you when you least expect it.  It has been normal to occasionally experience the sting of sadness when something reminds me how much I miss her or laugh a little when we bump into a funny memory.  Although, I did not realize how much the adoption process would stir up this grief.

This process has so many highs and lows.  I have really struggled with wishing she was here as we are walk through this.  I wish she was here to share in the joys and excitement.  I wish she was here to listen when days are hard.  I wish she was here to help me put the baby's room together and to sew our baby bedding like we sewed so many other pieces in our home.  Most of all I wish she was here to be the Grandy our children will only know through pictures.

Christmas circa 2004 

Nana, Mom, and Me 

Bridal shower at Coker Elementary

Spring 2006

June 17, 2006 

We are Paper Pregnant!

Well it's official... we are {just} waiting on a birth mom! Paper pregnant is what they call it when your paperwork is approved and you are just waiting to be picked by a birth mother.

I say {just} because this might be the hardest part of the wait yet... or it might be fast and easy (haha).  Realistically we are preparing our hearts for the possibility of a long, hard wait because honestly even a few months feels like a long time when you are waiting (and we know we may be waiting much longer than that).

We received word of our approval from our caseworker today!  Now we wait for a birth mother to choose us to be the forever family for her child.  I wrote about this process recently...if you didn't get a chance to hear the details you can check it out here.

Originally, our case worker had told us it would probably be April before we received approval.  When we learned of our approval today we were ecstatic, but we knew we still needed to print our final copies of our birth mother letter and photo album to take by the agency.  We submitted these a few weeks ago when we did our home study, but we had some edits to make based on our case worker's feedback.  We have been working hard on these edits for the last few weeks.

After school today, I left as soon as I could to take care of getting these printed and dropped by the agency.  However, after printing the photo album I still wasn't happy with the way it looked because the printer had left streaks through some of the pictures.  I ran by the agency to get our case worker's opinion.  She agreed I should probably have it printed professionally instead of printing it ourselves. I went ahead and gave her 10 copies of our birth mother letter and told her I would get the photo album printed this weekend and dropped off Monday morning.

Here are the final copies of our photo album and birth mother letter.  I can't even fully describe to you how much love, tears, and prayer went into creating these.  Thank you so much to those of you who have been such an encouragement to us as we have walked through this process.  I really cannot put into words what an emotional process this has been for us, but we are so thankful for so many people demonstrating how much they care.

Thank you for continuing to pray for us as we do our best to trust God's perfect timing in this process.  

Homestudy is complete... what's next?

We have officially finished the home study process.  Praise the Lord! I'll have to write a post devoted to the emotions and difficulty associated with that later, but I wanted to update everyone on the next steps because I know that is what everyone is interested in hearing about.

Our case worker said that we should hopefully receive our approval within a month or so.  After that we officially become available to be picked by a birth mom.  At this point there is really no time line for how long or short it might be - our case worker said it might be 2 months or 18 months.  The longest anyone has waited (at our agency) is 3 years.

The way the process works is when a birth mom is ready to pick her family, she is given the profiles of all the families.  (We had to prayerfully decide what we felt the Lord was calling us to consider and mark it in our application.  This consisted of health conditions and family backgrounds, starting with cancer and ranging all the way from HIV to mental illness.  It also included things the baby might be exposed to like drugs and alcohol.)  As the birth mom or birth parents look through our profiles, they will rank their top 3 choices.  If we are picked as the first choice then we will receive a phone call from our case worker giving us the all the background information that they know and then we will again prayerfully consider whether we want to meet the birth mom.

The next step is meeting her to see if we (both us and her) feel it is a match.  Since we have chosen open adoption we really have to decide if we feel it is a good match because she will most likely be a part of our lives for a very long time.  After that we must give it 24-48 hours and then let the agency know if we would like to match with her (she does the same thing).  Our case worker also said that they typically like to wait to match birth moms with families when she has only 3 months or less left in her pregnancy.  The reason for this is because they want to be fully certain (as much as possible) that she is ready to choose adoption versus keeping her baby.  She has the option of changing her mind up until the end, but they try to guard our hearts as much as possible by not matching us until they feel she is ready.

If we do happen to match with a birth mom that has a few months left in her pregnancy the next step is making a plan about what this will look like.  Will we go with her to doctor's appointments?  Will we be there when she gives birth?  We did find out that one of the hospitals here in town (if she happens to give birth here) is very good about giving the adoptive families a room at the hospital of their own.  That makes me super thankful for hospitals that understand and support adoption.

After the baby is born, the birth mom must wait 48 hours before she can legally sign the Voluntary Relinquishment of Parental Rights form (and we will wait the 48 hours to take our baby home).   If the birth father is not there to sign the relinquishment form then the birth is listed at the courthouse and the birth father has 31 days to sign the paternity registry.  If he does not sign the registry indicating that he wishes to preserve his rights as a parent then a court date will be set to terminate rights.  I tell you all of this just to help you understand the many unknown factors associated with adoption so that you can know how to better support adoptive families through the challenges of the process.

Naturally people constantly ask us, "Are you so excited?!?"  The answer is we are very hopeful, but this process is very intense and emotionally draining.  There are so many unknowns and we just have to be really careful to guard our hearts.  After 7+ years of infertility and 2+ years of walking down the road to adoption, the road does not seem as exciting as you might think.  Yes, we know that there is joy coming and we fully trust that God is in control, but it's actually really hard.  Thank you for praying for our family, our birth mother, birth father, their families, and our sweet baby while we wait.

  

Checking Things Off the List

{the very long list}

Naturally the question we get asked the most is, "How's the adoption process going?" This is such a hard question to answer because there are so many details going on behind the scenes.  We try so hard to give people a true picture of how it's going, but honestly it is hard to put into words.  Most of you know that we submitted our massive amount of paperwork back in early January.  After that the agency sends you a checklist of the next steps in the process:

Since then we have been working to get all these details finished up.  In the last month we have:

• Completed our 6 hour parenting class
• Andrea completed CPR/First Aid training (DJ already had this due to his job)
• Submitted our marriage license and birth certificates
• Submitted paperwork for criminal history check, child abuse history, and FBI clearance (we get fingerprinted tomorrow)
• Completed physicals for the medical report required
• Completed our photo album for the birth mother (we will submit this to the agency tomorrow to get feedback)

Now we just have these few details left to submit:

Then the next step is the interviews and home study.  Slowly but surely we are getting there... 

Domestic Adoption? Why?

We get asked all the time why we chose domestic versus international adoption. I have to be honest, I feel a little like we have to defend our decision at times.

So I thought I would try to put my thoughts into words here for anyone who is interested.  First, let me say that we believe in international adoption and at some point we may take that route, but for now this is where the Lord has led us.

But let me also say that we believe there is a huge need for domestic adoption.  I read an article recently talking about the need for domestic adoption if we are to be proponents of a pro-life movement.  This article put into words what I had been thinking but hadn't been able to put into words myself.

For us domestic adoption is as much about the ministry to the birth mom as it is about impacting the life of a child.  Domestic adoption is about providing an alternative to abortion.  Domestic adoption is about telling pregnant women that there are great families out there who would provide a great home to their baby.  Birth moms who choose adoption are not selfish.  In fact, choosing adoption is one of the most selfless decisions she could ever make.

For us, we choose domestic adoption because we feel that God has called us to this decision.  We know that there are many great reasons to choose other forms of adoption and even less expensive forms, but we also know that God has called us to this path for a purpose and we are excited about the plans He has for our forever family.  For all these reasons and more we choose domestic adoption.

Looking Forward to a new Chapter

Many of you know that DJ is about to finish his doctorate and with this new degree our goal was for him to move back to the classroom so that he wouldn't have to travel so much when our new little one arrives.

The spring was filled with job applications, interviews, and major decisions.  We really thought that we would be leaving Abilene for another job, but instead we are happy to announce that we get to stay!

DJ has accepted another position at Hardin-Simmons that will begin in August of 2014.  This worked out perfectly for him because it gives him a full year of closure and time to get everything even more organized to hand over to the new Head Athletic Trainer that will take his place.

DJ's new job will be in the school of Education as an Associate Professor of Fitness and Sports Science, in addition he will also be the Clinical Coordinator for the Athletic Training Education Program.  Essentially what this means is that he will mostly teach classes in the Athletic Training Education Program and he will also organize/supervise his college students in their clinical sites.

Through the ATEP at HSU students learn to be athletic trainers, while receiving hands-on training in clinical sites.  He currently supervises the students that work in his Sports Medicine Clinic at Football and Men's Basketball.  Other clinical sites include the other sports medicine clinics at HSU for each of the athletic teams.  In addition, his students also receive hands-on training in doctor's offices/surgery rotations, as well as the sports medicine clinics at the local high schools.

I am so thankful that this will be our last year of 7-days-a-week during football season.  In just the past few days, he has spent 3 days with his student-athletes at the hospital for many hours late into the evening.  I am so excited to have my husband back, but know that he is a little sad that he won't have these opportunities to invest in his athletes like he does now.

We are very excited for this opportunity to stay in Abilene and for DJ to continue doing what he loves... working with college students.

2014 is the year!

We are hopeful as we pray that 2014 will be the year that our little one comes home! 

It has been 2 years since we sat in our adoption orientation.  It took us that long to turn in our adoption paperwork.

It has been a hard two years because we started the process by being very open about God's call on our lives to adopt.  With that openness comes lots of questions of those wanting updates on our adoption process.  But then the process came to an abrupt hault. We knew it was just a pause as we grieved the loss of our second miscarried child. We are so thankful to have so many people that care enough to ask, but it was definitely hard to answer people wanting to know how the process was going.

It was February almost a year ago that God made it very clear to us that we needed to step out in faith and trust Him. 

It is with great joy that I can say we have officially submitted our adoption paperwork!!!! 

We have also officially raised $20,000 of the about $35,000 - $40,000 needed! 

The next step is for our agency, Christian Homes, to review our paperwork and send us a checklist of anything left to complete.  We are currently working on our birthmother letter and photo album.  This is what the birth moms will use to pick the family for their baby.

We are also preparing our home for the home study.  Previous owners of our home took out the bath tub to make it handicap accessible, so we need to redo the bathroom to make it "baby accessible" by creating a working bathtub.  In addition, we had a water leak under our foundation earlier this year.  Thankfully the plumbers did not have to drill into the foundation, but instead redirected the water lines through the wall.  However, this left 3 holes in the sheet rock that also need to be fixed before the home study.  We will be working on these projects soon and hope to have our home study complete in the next month or so.

Once we have our interviews and home study complete we will be approved (hopefully!) and ready for a birth mom to pick us!

We are so grateful to so many for all your love and support!  Thank you as well for your prayers as we continue on this journey.

Exciting Fundraising Update!

We are overwhelmed with humility and gratitude for our friends and church family.  The spaghetti dinner benefit was a HUGE SUCCESS!  We made more than $5000, which means we are getting so much closer to bringing our little one home!  Words cannot express how thankful we are to our God!  He is amazing.  Thank you Oh-so-much to all the volunteers who put this together!

We have recently had quite a few people reach out to say they wanted to lead forward with another fundraiser of their own to benefit out adoption.  So in no particular order, here are some other ways for you to support our adoption process and help impact the life of a child:

Click on the name of each fundraiser and it will take you directly to our friends' secure websites.

Mary Kay
Order your Mary Kay products from my sweet sister-in-law, Cassi and 100% of the proceeds in November will go to our adoption! Free shipping and 25% off all orders over $100!

Custom Christmas Cards
Order your custom Christmas cards from one of my best friends, Blaire and a portion of her proceeds will benefit our adoption!

31 Personalized Gifts 

Get organized or get some super cute personalized Christmas gifts from my friend, Candace and all of her November sales will benefit our adoption!

Worship CD 

Finally, our very talented friend, Katie Cruddas has come out with an amazing worship CD.  She is shipping 200 to us to sell for $10 each.  100% of the profit goes straight to bringing Baby G home! These will be available beginning November 24 on a first-come-first-serve basis.  Reserve yours now by commenting here or sending us an email/facebook message.  Hurry because I think they will be gone in a flash! 

We have a big goal of being 100% funded by the end of November!  We know that is a lofty goal, but with your help we can do it! Feel free to share our fundraisers with your friends.

We can't thank you enough for your support!  We are planning to turn in our paperwork next week and we couldn't have done it without the prayers and support of our wonderful friends and family.  God is so good! We love y'all!

Blessings,

DJ and Andrea

Parents' Night Out Success!

A few months ago, my friend, Traci, came to me with a fundraiser idea.  She works at a local gymnastics center and she wanted to offer a parents' night out as a fundraiser for our adoption.  Parents were able to come drop off their kiddos for 2 hours of fun at the gym.  On Friday night, 42 kids showed up at the gym.  She divided the kids into groups and rotated them through stations, as well as pizza, and a craft.

I helped by manning the craft.  I found this idea on Pinterest and we ran with it.  All of the kids were able to create a watercolor picture and the older kids also added clear glue and salt to the pics.  It didn't turn out quite as neat as the way the blogger describes the original idea, but overall it was fun (especially since it worked for a huge range of ages - from 2 - 12!)

The fundraiser, on the other hand, was a huge success! We were able to raise $533 for our adoption!  Wow!  We were amazed!  More than that I was just amazed at everyone's willingness to come out to help us.  Traci organized volunteers that helped with each age group.  Many of these volunteers didn't even know us, but they were still willing to come out and help.  Amazing!  Traci's sister and husband also both came out to help. Another one of the volunteers was a sweet college student (now graduated) that I had in class and I even received an email yesterday from another one of my college students saying that if we ever do another fundraiser requiring child care again, she would love to help.  Wow!  That's all I can say... wow... walking through the adoption process has been nothing but a blessing and I know the biggest blessing is yet to come!

Thank you so much to Traci and Ryan Kana, Ashley Mensik, Emily Sudtelgte, and all the other volunteers!  Also a big thank you to Beamers Gymnastics and Cheerleading!

Parents' Night Out Adoption Fundraiser

We are so excited to announce our next adoption fundraiser!  We are having a parents' night out this Friday and Beamer's Gymnastics and Cheerleading Gym.  My good friend, Traci, has generously offered the gym and her time (as well as recruiting volunteers).  Parents can drop off their little ones (as long as they are potty trained) for 2 hours of gymnastics fun, as well as pizza and crafts! We are doing a  suggested donation of $10 per child.

When: Friday night, August 16, 6:00-8:00 pm
Where: Beamer's Gym
133 Tannehill Dr.
Abilene, TX 79602
Who: Kids ages 2.5 - 12 years (little ones must be potty trained)
Cost: Suggested donation of $10/child
You can pay online at our adoption fundraiser website or cash when you arrive.

We are so excited to see you Friday night, but be sure to sign up because space is limited.

Thanks so much!!!

Get your Adoption Shirts Now!

Our adoption t-shirts are designed and ready to sell!  As we were trying to think about what we would like our t-shirt to look like I thought about other adoption shirts I had seen.  Many shirts for international adoptions had an outline of the country where the baby was born.  Since our adoption is domestic, I started thinking about how could we design it with the shape of our country or since we are from Texas, our state.  This made me think of the popular shirts that have the state outline with the simple word "home."  And our design was born...

The front of the shirt says:

 I helped a child come home.

The back says:

 Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf welcomes me.

 -Jesus (Matt.18:5) 

Choose life ... support adoption.

www.christianhomes.com 

Your color choices are navy, maroon, and gray (and we are thinking of adding a purple option).  If you have a color request, please let us know!  We can also order youth sizes.  If you need youth sizes, just add it to the comment section.  

Here is the link for you to order your shirt. 

Thank y'all so much for supporting our adoption and more importantly, impacting the life of a child!  

Adoption Application

For months we have been working on all of the details involved in our adoption process. As I was working on some of the paperwork today, I thought it might be helpful to give you a glimpse into this process.  I found a checklist that I thought might be helpful in helping y'all to understand all that this process entails.

My goal for the summer is to get all of the paperwork complete and we are getting very close.  We have most of the forms complete, now we are working on steps #2-21.

This may be more information than you want, but for those of you that are into details you may be interested.  So without further ado, here is a list of all the forms and items we must complete:

1. All forms received with orientation materials which require completion or signatures: 

• AF-205 (his&hers) Personal Spiritual History & Plan for Spiritual Development for You and Your Children
• AF-034 – Working Agreement Between Christian Homes and Prospective Adoptive Parents
• AF-008 – Application to Adopt a Child
• AF-012  - Family Background Form
• AF-153 – Financial Information
• AF-015 (his&hers) Affidavit of Affirmations
• AF-010 – Birth family background Checklist
• AF-009(i) – Infant Physical Challenge Checklist
• AF-013-1 (his&hers) Statement of Good Health
• AF0-13-2 (his&hers) Health History of Applicant
• AF-058 – Adoptive Parent Consent to Use Photographs
• AF-119 – American Indian Descent Form
• AF-100 – Authorization to Share your Study
• AF-027 – Statement regarding Firearms and Firearm Safety
• AF-016 (his&hers) 10 Page Autobiography Form and Outline
• AF-023 – Profile of Adoptive Parents
• AF-151 – Health Insurance Statement of Coverage
• AF-152 – Adoptive Parents' Acknowledgement of Discipline Policies
• AF-500 - Interstate Compact Agreement
• AF-204 - Discretionary Drug Testing Policy
• AF-142 - FAST Fingerprint Applicant Services of Texas Application  
• AF-116 - Adoption Fees Policy and Explanation TX and OK Residents
• AF-160 - Statement of Legal Risk
• AF-150 - Internet Profile Information
• AF-214 - Personal Outreach

2. Photograph of applicant/s and any children in the home.

3. Photographs of your home, surrounding grounds, outbuildings, etc.

4. Photograph/s of your pets.

5. Copy of current vaccination record for all pets for which vaccinations are necessary.

6. Sketch of your home’s floor plan, noting dimensions and purpose of each room (See example floor plan attached with proper dimensions and room purpose noted.). Also please note fire escape route/s on the floor plan.

7. Copy of home ownership, if applicable, i.e., Deed of Trust, Home Owner's Title Policy, etc. Statement from landlord, if renting, to verify rent.

8. Copy of driver’s license for each applicant if not returned with preliminary application. Copy of driver’s license for any other household member, or Social Security card if individual has no driver’s license.

9. Medical exams within the past six months for the adoptive applicants and any children or other persons in the home. (Items AF013-1 and AF014a listed in item 1 above)

10. Statement and proof of income. (Please supply a copy of the past year’s tax return.)

11. Copy of marriage license.

12. Certified copy of divorce decree, if applicable.

13. Certified copy of death certificate of spouse, if applicable.

14. Copy of birth certificate of each applicant and each child in applicants' home.

15. Copy of savings passbook or statement, certificates of deposit, money market accounts, retirement accounts, IRA’s, etc.Page 2

16. Proof of life and health insurance coverage (attach a copy of the face sheet of each life insurance policy showing the amount of the insurance and copy of health insurance policy or a copy of health insurance card showing date of eligibility).

17. Infant Parent Training Class verification (at least 6 hours). (Note: This is not a requirement for those who are parenting children currently.)

18. Infant, Child, and Adult CPR Certification.

19. First Aid Certification, with rescue breathing and choking.

20. Birth Mother Letter

21. Photo Album 

Even though this may seem really overwhelming, I have to say that we have really been blessed by this process.  It is so encouraging to see all the people interested in helping us to achieve this goal.

And for all that may be interested... we have finished designing our adoption t-shirts and just got the proof back from the t-shirt company.  We will be posting all the details soon!  They turned out really cute!

What's the Next Step?

Many have asked, "What's the next step?"  At this point we have not heard from the birth mom we met with in June so we are operating under the assumption that she has chosen a different family, which is completely fine.  We continue to pray for her daily and whichever family the Lord has for that precious baby girl, knowing that our babe has already been hand-picked as well.  

So what's next... well, at this point we are focusing our efforts on fundraising.  As soon as we have raised the amount for the Home Study we will submit our paperwork and get that ball rolling.  About a month ago we had a fantastic garage sale and we were so blessed when a couple we met at our adoption orientation showed up with a check... wow, talk about humbling and encouraging!  We raised around $850 that day and still had a garage full of items that did not sell.  So we basically left it all set up in the garage and decided to have another sale this past weekend.  We sold almost EVERYTHING!  At the end we had about 3 oxen of stuff that we panned to donate and a man drove up and asked if he could buy all of it and haul it off for us!  Sure you can!  In addition, we had another sweet family show up and hand us a card, which we later found out had a $500 check in it!  Wow!  We are completely amazed at the Lord's faithfulness!  

Our next plan is to get the t-shirts designed asap so that we may begin selling those and we are also working on our dinner fundraiser plans.  We will keep you posted as soon as all of the details are worked out.  Thanks so much for loving our family and enough to read this!  You are each a blessing to us! 

Why Does Adoption Cost So Much?

One of the questions we get asked all the time is, "Why does adoption cost so much?!?"  Many people have even asked us why we chose our agency instead of adopting through the State or even a cheaper agency.  These are tough questions, but we want to answer them in hopes that people can understand that this was not just a decision we came to overnight.  This was a decision that we put much research and prayer into making and I hope that this post may be helpful for understanding our journey and adoption as a whole.

Why We Chose Domestic Adoption:
We have a heart for both domestic and international adoption and plan to adopt internationally at some point; however, as we began the overwhelming task of researching adoption we found that domestic adoption offers clear guidelines and parameters (as much as possible) and we were able to find an amazing agency within miles of our home. We decided that for our first child we would walk through domestic adoption of an infant, and then see where God leads us in the future in regards to choosing a country or age for future international or domestic adoptions.

How and Why We Chose Christian Homes and Family Services for our Agency:
Back in the fall of 2011, we received an invitation in the mail to attend an event benefiting Christian Homes and Family Services.  David L. Cook,  the author of the book Seven Days in Utopia was scheduled to be the keynote speaker.  We had recently seen the movie based on the book and really enjoyed it, so we were excited about the possibility of hearing the author speak.  In addition, God had begun tugging on our heart about adoption, so we were also naturally interested in the event.  God used the event to speak to us in many ways and as a vehicle for nudging us to begin our adoption journey.

It was at this point we began to research the MANY different avenues for adoption.  This process can be extremely overwhelming, but if you are considering this process I would encourage to just begin searching the Internet and reading all that you can.  In addition, talk to people you know and spend lots of time in prayer over this decision.

We had already heard great things about the agency and were very impressed from the event we attended, but we didn't just stop there.  We spent hours and hours reading all that we could about all the different ways to adopt.  In the end, we chose Christian Homes.

We believe the history of the Agency speaks for itself.  I have included the history below (from their website - I have bolded some points that were important to us).  In addition, one of the things we loved about the agency was their incredible ministry to the birth mothers.  Yes, we could have chosen to go through the state (which is very needed form of adoption) but for us the birth mother is paramount and we believe shining Christ to her through this agency is another way we can indirectly impact her.

At our orientation, they were very upfront with us in saying that they are not the cheapest agency out there but they are also not the most expensive (they right in the middle).  They helped us to understand the costs involved and why they believed these costs were necessary and important to both the birth mother, us, and the baby.  To us excellence in ministry is very important and we believe Christian Homes and Family Services does that well.  Their history is listed below and then I have included the approximate cost of the adoption below that.

Our History

For decades Christian Homes & Family Services has been known as two agencies: Christian Homes of Abilene, a ministry originally conceived by the Highland Church of Christ in 1962 to provide foster care for young needy children; and Christian Services of East Texas, a ministry given life in 1975 by the Glenwood Church of Christ in Tyler also to provide foster care for children rescued from neglect and abuse.

In 1999, the two independent agencies, both recognized as 501(c) 3 organizations by the Internal Revenue Service, merged and in 2006, the agency began operating under the same assumed name, Christian Homes & Family Services.

Almost as soon as Christian Homes began operating, it discovered and began responding to a desperate need for maternity care for young women with unplanned pregnancies. For more than 50 years, Christian Homes has provided residential and community-based care for young women with unplanned pregnancies. Most often, the care culminates in the agency finding loving parents to adopt their precious babies.

When a young woman with an unplanned pregnancy reaches out to Christian Homes for maternity care, our goal is that through the ministry, her life, as well as the life of her child, will be transformed. We may arrange for her housing, either in our comfortable apartments in Abilene or in her hometown, and we may also provide her food, clothing, medical care, legal services, moral support, counseling, and if needed, foster care for her newborn.

Our Abilene foster parents stand in the gap for birth mothers and adoptive parents. Foster parents love and care for newborn babies who must leave the hospital before all the legal hurdles have been jumped and they are cleared for adoption by their new and forever family. Infant foster care is provided according to the same strict standards as is required by the State for all foster care provided for minor children.

For young children who have been removed by the State from the home they likely shared with biological parents or relatives but where they were abused or neglected, our goal is that a Christian Homes’ foster family will be the last foster home they ever need. Our ministry is to identify, train, and prepare loving, Christian couples to welcome young foster children into their home and to ultimately make them a forever member of their family through adoption.

Christian Homes & Family Services is governed by a 23-member Board of Trustees who for more than three decades has operated independently of its founding church congregations. The agency is served by a 21-member team of dedicated employees; five of whom have worked for the agency more than 25 years. All trustees and employees are faithful and committed Christians. The agency is licensed by the State of Texas to provide maternity care and foster care, and in both Texas and Oklahoma to provide adoption services.

Approximately 40% of the agency’s $2 million budget is funded by adoption fees. For the balance, the agency relies on the generosity of individuals, churches, sympathetic businesses, foundations, and sound investing of the dollars donated to the agency’s endowment fund.

Since 1962 Christian Homes & Family Services has placed more than 1850 precious babies and children into loving adoptive homes, provided maternity care for more than 2500 women, and cared for more than 1570 foster children.

Christian Homes Fee Schedule:

• Pre-application -              $95
• Orientation -                    $250
• Application -                   $750
• Home Study -                 $1500
• Social Services -             $4,800
• Marketing -                    $6,000
• Match/Placement -         $10,000 - $25,000 (sliding scale based on income of adoptive family)
• Parental Termination -   $1,500
• Consummation -              varies

Approximate Total Costs -       $25,895 - $40, 895

Hopefully this gives you a better idea of why adoption costs so much and helps you have a little insight into this huge process.  We believe it is important to be transparent with people, as much as possible, about the process of adoption because that helps you to better understand how you can love and support us through this journey, but hopefully it will also give you a heart for caring for the orphans in some way as well.

We are all called to care for the orphans, but we are not all called to adopt.  You might consider helping to care for the orphans by supporting our family through prayer, donating your time or services, or donating financial resources to help provide a home for a child.

Crazy Roller Coaster Ride

A few weeks ago we experienced our craziest day yet walking through the adoption process... we met with a birth mother.

We haven't shared this publicly until now because ultimately it is up to her (really the Lord) to choose us and at this point she has not chosen us.

But WOW, this is one crazy roller coaster ride so far.  I describe it as a roller coaster ride because I am not sure people can truly understand the range of emotions experienced unless you have also walked through this process.

It is similar to thinking you might be pregnant, but don't know for sure... except this baby might come much sooner than 9 months from now (this particular birth mom is due in October).

It was similar to a job interview, except it was the most important job interview we will ever attend because it is interviewing for parenthood (except most people never have to "interview" to become a parent).  

At this point, I cannot imagine how my heart will hold up if we have to do this again and again.

Don't get me wrong, we are doing well... this is such an exciting journey.  We know for a FACT that the Lord is in complete control and he has hand picked each of our children way before we ever had the ability to even consider adoption.  But I just have to be real and say this is an unbelievably hard journey, which requires us to walk in complete reliance on the Lord - which is the sweetest place to be.

So now for the details (which is why you are here in the first place, right?) ...

Towards the end of May we received a message from some friends indicating that they had learned of a birth mom who is looking for a good family and they wondered if we were interested in meeting with her.  We agreed to meet with her to see if this was a possibility.

On a Saturday a few weeks ago, we drove to the Metroplex, where she lives, to meet with this sweet girl.  It was a beautiful afternoon, so we sat outside on the patio underneath a umbrella and waited for her to arrive.  I can't even begin to put words to the emotions we felt as we sat there waiting for her to arrive.  But soon they arrived (she and her mom) and the conversation flowed fairly easily.

Kate (not her real name) is 18 and her mom is only 3 years older than me and younger than DJ.  Her mom (I'll call her Missy) had Kate at 18 and she was really encouraging Kate to give the baby up for adoption because she wants her granddaughter to be able to have the life she was not able to provide for Kate.  Kate was also very much on board with the plan of adoption, although we did sense how difficult this decision is for her.

Kate and Missy asked us some very difficult questions and at times it seemed that they were looking for very specific answers in return.  They were so warm and friendly in response to our answers, but we really don't know exactly how our answers matched up with what they are looking for.

Kate was very interested in Open Adoption (which is what we are choosing to do) and wanted to know how "open" we are to open adoption.  We shared how important she is to us as the birth mom and that our baby would know from the beginning that he/she is adopted.  DJ did a great job of explaining to her that our adoption counselor with Christian Homes would be able to help us set up the expectations and parameters for our open adoption and that this would be something that we would all come to a written agreement about.  (Side note:  Open adoption has become the most common form of adoption today and I will write another post later about how this works and why it is the method we have chosen for our family.)

They asked us if the baby would go to private school or if we would choose to homeschool.  I shared with them my heart for public school and some simple reasons why we had chosen that path for our family.  We told them that our children would either attend the school where I teach or the great school in our neighborhood.

They also asked if I would be staying home with the baby or what our plans were for childcare if I continued to work.

We shared with them many, many details about our life... our jobs, family, church, home etc.

Faith was very important to them and we were able to share the up most importance that Christ holds in our lives.  They also asked specific questions about our church and denomination.

Before we left DJ asked if could pray for us.  We prayed and then told Kate that we would continue to pray for her regardless of whether or not she chose us for her baby.  We also told her that the ball is in her court.  We are very open to meeting with her again or talking on the phone if she has more questions, but we are not going to contact her again unless she chooses to make contact.  We gave her the contact information for our adoption agency, in case she was interested.

We walked away feeling hopeful, but also guarded. From the beginning we were so excited about the opportunity to meet her, but we also tried to guard our hearts knowing that she may not choose us.  At this point, it has been 3 weeks and we have not heard from her.  We are OK with that because we know God is sovereign, but we would definitely ask you to pray for us as walk this exciting but difficult journey.  We wouldn't have it any other way and we are so excited for the testimony God is unfolding for our precious babes even before they are ever born.