We are Paper Pregnant!

Well it's official... we are {just} waiting on a birth mom! Paper pregnant is what they call it when your paperwork is approved and you are just waiting to be picked by a birth mother.

I say {just} because this might be the hardest part of the wait yet... or it might be fast and easy (haha).  Realistically we are preparing our hearts for the possibility of a long, hard wait because honestly even a few months feels like a long time when you are waiting (and we know we may be waiting much longer than that).

We received word of our approval from our caseworker today!  Now we wait for a birth mother to choose us to be the forever family for her child.  I wrote about this process recently...if you didn't get a chance to hear the details you can check it out here.

Originally, our case worker had told us it would probably be April before we received approval.  When we learned of our approval today we were ecstatic, but we knew we still needed to print our final copies of our birth mother letter and photo album to take by the agency.  We submitted these a few weeks ago when we did our home study, but we had some edits to make based on our case worker's feedback.  We have been working hard on these edits for the last few weeks.

After school today, I left as soon as I could to take care of getting these printed and dropped by the agency.  However, after printing the photo album I still wasn't happy with the way it looked because the printer had left streaks through some of the pictures.  I ran by the agency to get our case worker's opinion.  She agreed I should probably have it printed professionally instead of printing it ourselves. I went ahead and gave her 10 copies of our birth mother letter and told her I would get the photo album printed this weekend and dropped off Monday morning.

Here are the final copies of our photo album and birth mother letter.  I can't even fully describe to you how much love, tears, and prayer went into creating these.  Thank you so much to those of you who have been such an encouragement to us as we have walked through this process.  I really cannot put into words what an emotional process this has been for us, but we are so thankful for so many people demonstrating how much they care.

Thank you for continuing to pray for us as we do our best to trust God's perfect timing in this process.  

Homestudy is complete... what's next?

We have officially finished the home study process.  Praise the Lord! I'll have to write a post devoted to the emotions and difficulty associated with that later, but I wanted to update everyone on the next steps because I know that is what everyone is interested in hearing about.

Our case worker said that we should hopefully receive our approval within a month or so.  After that we officially become available to be picked by a birth mom.  At this point there is really no time line for how long or short it might be - our case worker said it might be 2 months or 18 months.  The longest anyone has waited (at our agency) is 3 years.

The way the process works is when a birth mom is ready to pick her family, she is given the profiles of all the families.  (We had to prayerfully decide what we felt the Lord was calling us to consider and mark it in our application.  This consisted of health conditions and family backgrounds, starting with cancer and ranging all the way from HIV to mental illness.  It also included things the baby might be exposed to like drugs and alcohol.)  As the birth mom or birth parents look through our profiles, they will rank their top 3 choices.  If we are picked as the first choice then we will receive a phone call from our case worker giving us the all the background information that they know and then we will again prayerfully consider whether we want to meet the birth mom.

The next step is meeting her to see if we (both us and her) feel it is a match.  Since we have chosen open adoption we really have to decide if we feel it is a good match because she will most likely be a part of our lives for a very long time.  After that we must give it 24-48 hours and then let the agency know if we would like to match with her (she does the same thing).  Our case worker also said that they typically like to wait to match birth moms with families when she has only 3 months or less left in her pregnancy.  The reason for this is because they want to be fully certain (as much as possible) that she is ready to choose adoption versus keeping her baby.  She has the option of changing her mind up until the end, but they try to guard our hearts as much as possible by not matching us until they feel she is ready.

If we do happen to match with a birth mom that has a few months left in her pregnancy the next step is making a plan about what this will look like.  Will we go with her to doctor's appointments?  Will we be there when she gives birth?  We did find out that one of the hospitals here in town (if she happens to give birth here) is very good about giving the adoptive families a room at the hospital of their own.  That makes me super thankful for hospitals that understand and support adoption.

After the baby is born, the birth mom must wait 48 hours before she can legally sign the Voluntary Relinquishment of Parental Rights form (and we will wait the 48 hours to take our baby home).   If the birth father is not there to sign the relinquishment form then the birth is listed at the courthouse and the birth father has 31 days to sign the paternity registry.  If he does not sign the registry indicating that he wishes to preserve his rights as a parent then a court date will be set to terminate rights.  I tell you all of this just to help you understand the many unknown factors associated with adoption so that you can know how to better support adoptive families through the challenges of the process.

Naturally people constantly ask us, "Are you so excited?!?"  The answer is we are very hopeful, but this process is very intense and emotionally draining.  There are so many unknowns and we just have to be really careful to guard our hearts.  After 7+ years of infertility and 2+ years of walking down the road to adoption, the road does not seem as exciting as you might think.  Yes, we know that there is joy coming and we fully trust that God is in control, but it's actually really hard.  Thank you for praying for our family, our birth mother, birth father, their families, and our sweet baby while we wait.

  

Exciting Fundraising Update!

We are overwhelmed with humility and gratitude for our friends and church family.  The spaghetti dinner benefit was a HUGE SUCCESS!  We made more than $5000, which means we are getting so much closer to bringing our little one home!  Words cannot express how thankful we are to our God!  He is amazing.  Thank you Oh-so-much to all the volunteers who put this together!

We have recently had quite a few people reach out to say they wanted to lead forward with another fundraiser of their own to benefit out adoption.  So in no particular order, here are some other ways for you to support our adoption process and help impact the life of a child:

Click on the name of each fundraiser and it will take you directly to our friends' secure websites.

Mary Kay
Order your Mary Kay products from my sweet sister-in-law, Cassi and 100% of the proceeds in November will go to our adoption! Free shipping and 25% off all orders over $100!

Custom Christmas Cards
Order your custom Christmas cards from one of my best friends, Blaire and a portion of her proceeds will benefit our adoption!

31 Personalized Gifts 

Get organized or get some super cute personalized Christmas gifts from my friend, Candace and all of her November sales will benefit our adoption!

Worship CD 

Finally, our very talented friend, Katie Cruddas has come out with an amazing worship CD.  She is shipping 200 to us to sell for $10 each.  100% of the profit goes straight to bringing Baby G home! These will be available beginning November 24 on a first-come-first-serve basis.  Reserve yours now by commenting here or sending us an email/facebook message.  Hurry because I think they will be gone in a flash! 

We have a big goal of being 100% funded by the end of November!  We know that is a lofty goal, but with your help we can do it! Feel free to share our fundraisers with your friends.

We can't thank you enough for your support!  We are planning to turn in our paperwork next week and we couldn't have done it without the prayers and support of our wonderful friends and family.  God is so good! We love y'all!

Blessings,

DJ and Andrea

Crazy Roller Coaster Ride

A few weeks ago we experienced our craziest day yet walking through the adoption process... we met with a birth mother.

We haven't shared this publicly until now because ultimately it is up to her (really the Lord) to choose us and at this point she has not chosen us.

But WOW, this is one crazy roller coaster ride so far.  I describe it as a roller coaster ride because I am not sure people can truly understand the range of emotions experienced unless you have also walked through this process.

It is similar to thinking you might be pregnant, but don't know for sure... except this baby might come much sooner than 9 months from now (this particular birth mom is due in October).

It was similar to a job interview, except it was the most important job interview we will ever attend because it is interviewing for parenthood (except most people never have to "interview" to become a parent).  

At this point, I cannot imagine how my heart will hold up if we have to do this again and again.

Don't get me wrong, we are doing well... this is such an exciting journey.  We know for a FACT that the Lord is in complete control and he has hand picked each of our children way before we ever had the ability to even consider adoption.  But I just have to be real and say this is an unbelievably hard journey, which requires us to walk in complete reliance on the Lord - which is the sweetest place to be.

So now for the details (which is why you are here in the first place, right?) ...

Towards the end of May we received a message from some friends indicating that they had learned of a birth mom who is looking for a good family and they wondered if we were interested in meeting with her.  We agreed to meet with her to see if this was a possibility.

On a Saturday a few weeks ago, we drove to the Metroplex, where she lives, to meet with this sweet girl.  It was a beautiful afternoon, so we sat outside on the patio underneath a umbrella and waited for her to arrive.  I can't even begin to put words to the emotions we felt as we sat there waiting for her to arrive.  But soon they arrived (she and her mom) and the conversation flowed fairly easily.

Kate (not her real name) is 18 and her mom is only 3 years older than me and younger than DJ.  Her mom (I'll call her Missy) had Kate at 18 and she was really encouraging Kate to give the baby up for adoption because she wants her granddaughter to be able to have the life she was not able to provide for Kate.  Kate was also very much on board with the plan of adoption, although we did sense how difficult this decision is for her.

Kate and Missy asked us some very difficult questions and at times it seemed that they were looking for very specific answers in return.  They were so warm and friendly in response to our answers, but we really don't know exactly how our answers matched up with what they are looking for.

Kate was very interested in Open Adoption (which is what we are choosing to do) and wanted to know how "open" we are to open adoption.  We shared how important she is to us as the birth mom and that our baby would know from the beginning that he/she is adopted.  DJ did a great job of explaining to her that our adoption counselor with Christian Homes would be able to help us set up the expectations and parameters for our open adoption and that this would be something that we would all come to a written agreement about.  (Side note:  Open adoption has become the most common form of adoption today and I will write another post later about how this works and why it is the method we have chosen for our family.)

They asked us if the baby would go to private school or if we would choose to homeschool.  I shared with them my heart for public school and some simple reasons why we had chosen that path for our family.  We told them that our children would either attend the school where I teach or the great school in our neighborhood.

They also asked if I would be staying home with the baby or what our plans were for childcare if I continued to work.

We shared with them many, many details about our life... our jobs, family, church, home etc.

Faith was very important to them and we were able to share the up most importance that Christ holds in our lives.  They also asked specific questions about our church and denomination.

Before we left DJ asked if could pray for us.  We prayed and then told Kate that we would continue to pray for her regardless of whether or not she chose us for her baby.  We also told her that the ball is in her court.  We are very open to meeting with her again or talking on the phone if she has more questions, but we are not going to contact her again unless she chooses to make contact.  We gave her the contact information for our adoption agency, in case she was interested.

We walked away feeling hopeful, but also guarded. From the beginning we were so excited about the opportunity to meet her, but we also tried to guard our hearts knowing that she may not choose us.  At this point, it has been 3 weeks and we have not heard from her.  We are OK with that because we know God is sovereign, but we would definitely ask you to pray for us as walk this exciting but difficult journey.  We wouldn't have it any other way and we are so excited for the testimony God is unfolding for our precious babes even before they are ever born.

Faith in the Details

I walked into my classroom this morning to find a gift on my desk.  Since it is Valentine's day I assumed that one of my students had brought it in before I arrived.

 I glanced at the gift quickly, but decided to wait to open it until the giver made their arrival in a few minutes.   It sat amongst other smaller gifts that I had already received this week from my little ones.

"Wow," I thought, "someone really put a lot of thought into this."

I quickly began to get ready for my day because my first graders would be arriving soon.  As the kids arrived I expected someone to proudly tell me that they had brought the beautiful gift on my desk.  No one did.  So a few minutes later I asked them who had given it to me.  They did not know.

At this point, I began to look at the gift a little more carefully.  I noticed the photograph collage with the word "faith," the jar of pink tulips (my favorite), a Sonic drink, and a Snickers (also my favorite). It was all tucked neatly inside a wooden crate.  I tasted the Sonic drink and realized it was cream Dr. Pepper, a new favorite that a friend I work with had introduced to me in the past year.

"Oh!  This is a gift from a friend who works with me! But which friend?"

There were a couple who knew the struggles of our past year... taking the scary step of faith to begin the adoption process, pregnancy, miscarriage, pause in the process...

I am now mentally trying to decide which friend had been so thoughtful to put this together.  Maybe a few of them?

You may be wondering, why I did not automatically assume this was from my husband...

It completely has his name written all over it, but he was out of town on a basketball trip for work and the few days before he left were filled with busyness, so I knew he did not have time to orchestrate this gift.

But then I saw it... tied neatly in the bow around the mouth of the mason jar was a jump drive.

Oh my! I covered my mouth and gasped... the tears began to flow.  Who had done this?!  I'm mentally trying to think who knew that I had carefully put away our adoption jump drive after the miscarriage?  I put it in a very safe place, a place so safe that we still have no recollection of the location!

I left my students with my student teacher and quickly ran (i.e  which translates to quick walking feet in an elementary school) to my friends' classrooms.

"Did you do it?"

Looks of confusion...

"Do what?"

Finally I found Libby.  "Did you do it?! How did you do it?"

She gives me a little grin.

"It wasn't me.  It was your husband."

Now I am so confused, but also thinking, "How ridiculous could I be?!  Of course it was him... but how?!"

She says, "I put it in your room, but you need to call him.  I don't want to give it away.  Let him tell you the details."

At this point, I am so overwhelmed with emotion and excitement.  I run to the phone and call him at his hotel in New Braunfels.  I wake him up... but he is happy to explain.

He tells me he thought of the idea the day before and had called the agency to explain our story.  He calls Margaret at Christian Homes and Family Services (our amazing adoption agency).  He spills the whole story about why we had misplaced the jump drive.  He tells how the Lord has been clearly telling us in the last few weeks that we need to step out in faith and trust Him in this.  Finally he asks if it would be possible to get a new jump drive.

 Margaret says, "Of course! But my assistant is out today and she is the one who loads all of the application files onto the jump drive."

DJ tells her not to worry about it today and says, he can just get it next week.  No problem.

But Margaret insists that she will see what she can do.

15 minutes later, Margaret calls back and tells him that she explained the whole story to her assistant and she said, "I love the Gilillands!  I want to take care of this today!"

Margaret tells him that he can come by after 2:00, so he runs across town to take care of this before he needs to leave with the team at 3:00.  Next he calls Libby's husband and asks for the favor.  He takes the jump drive to Ryan and then calls Libby to ask her to help him get the rest.

He explains he wants to recreate this song that we love called "Wal-Mart Flowers," but he needs a few things.  Libby selflessly goes to pick out the items and texts him pictures of the items she finds to get his final decision.

He decides on the faith collage since the Lord is clearly calling us to step out in faith.

As he speaks, I am in complete awe!  I am so in love with this sweet man the Lord has chosen for me, and also so excited that God is orchestrating our adoption story with each perfect detail.

I cannot wait to share these details one day with the precious one He has already chosen for us!