We are Paper Pregnant!

Well it's official... we are {just} waiting on a birth mom! Paper pregnant is what they call it when your paperwork is approved and you are just waiting to be picked by a birth mother.

I say {just} because this might be the hardest part of the wait yet... or it might be fast and easy (haha).  Realistically we are preparing our hearts for the possibility of a long, hard wait because honestly even a few months feels like a long time when you are waiting (and we know we may be waiting much longer than that).

We received word of our approval from our caseworker today!  Now we wait for a birth mother to choose us to be the forever family for her child.  I wrote about this process recently...if you didn't get a chance to hear the details you can check it out here.

Originally, our case worker had told us it would probably be April before we received approval.  When we learned of our approval today we were ecstatic, but we knew we still needed to print our final copies of our birth mother letter and photo album to take by the agency.  We submitted these a few weeks ago when we did our home study, but we had some edits to make based on our case worker's feedback.  We have been working hard on these edits for the last few weeks.

After school today, I left as soon as I could to take care of getting these printed and dropped by the agency.  However, after printing the photo album I still wasn't happy with the way it looked because the printer had left streaks through some of the pictures.  I ran by the agency to get our case worker's opinion.  She agreed I should probably have it printed professionally instead of printing it ourselves. I went ahead and gave her 10 copies of our birth mother letter and told her I would get the photo album printed this weekend and dropped off Monday morning.

Here are the final copies of our photo album and birth mother letter.  I can't even fully describe to you how much love, tears, and prayer went into creating these.  Thank you so much to those of you who have been such an encouragement to us as we have walked through this process.  I really cannot put into words what an emotional process this has been for us, but we are so thankful for so many people demonstrating how much they care.

Thank you for continuing to pray for us as we do our best to trust God's perfect timing in this process.  

Homestudy is complete... what's next?

We have officially finished the home study process.  Praise the Lord! I'll have to write a post devoted to the emotions and difficulty associated with that later, but I wanted to update everyone on the next steps because I know that is what everyone is interested in hearing about.

Our case worker said that we should hopefully receive our approval within a month or so.  After that we officially become available to be picked by a birth mom.  At this point there is really no time line for how long or short it might be - our case worker said it might be 2 months or 18 months.  The longest anyone has waited (at our agency) is 3 years.

The way the process works is when a birth mom is ready to pick her family, she is given the profiles of all the families.  (We had to prayerfully decide what we felt the Lord was calling us to consider and mark it in our application.  This consisted of health conditions and family backgrounds, starting with cancer and ranging all the way from HIV to mental illness.  It also included things the baby might be exposed to like drugs and alcohol.)  As the birth mom or birth parents look through our profiles, they will rank their top 3 choices.  If we are picked as the first choice then we will receive a phone call from our case worker giving us the all the background information that they know and then we will again prayerfully consider whether we want to meet the birth mom.

The next step is meeting her to see if we (both us and her) feel it is a match.  Since we have chosen open adoption we really have to decide if we feel it is a good match because she will most likely be a part of our lives for a very long time.  After that we must give it 24-48 hours and then let the agency know if we would like to match with her (she does the same thing).  Our case worker also said that they typically like to wait to match birth moms with families when she has only 3 months or less left in her pregnancy.  The reason for this is because they want to be fully certain (as much as possible) that she is ready to choose adoption versus keeping her baby.  She has the option of changing her mind up until the end, but they try to guard our hearts as much as possible by not matching us until they feel she is ready.

If we do happen to match with a birth mom that has a few months left in her pregnancy the next step is making a plan about what this will look like.  Will we go with her to doctor's appointments?  Will we be there when she gives birth?  We did find out that one of the hospitals here in town (if she happens to give birth here) is very good about giving the adoptive families a room at the hospital of their own.  That makes me super thankful for hospitals that understand and support adoption.

After the baby is born, the birth mom must wait 48 hours before she can legally sign the Voluntary Relinquishment of Parental Rights form (and we will wait the 48 hours to take our baby home).   If the birth father is not there to sign the relinquishment form then the birth is listed at the courthouse and the birth father has 31 days to sign the paternity registry.  If he does not sign the registry indicating that he wishes to preserve his rights as a parent then a court date will be set to terminate rights.  I tell you all of this just to help you understand the many unknown factors associated with adoption so that you can know how to better support adoptive families through the challenges of the process.

Naturally people constantly ask us, "Are you so excited?!?"  The answer is we are very hopeful, but this process is very intense and emotionally draining.  There are so many unknowns and we just have to be really careful to guard our hearts.  After 7+ years of infertility and 2+ years of walking down the road to adoption, the road does not seem as exciting as you might think.  Yes, we know that there is joy coming and we fully trust that God is in control, but it's actually really hard.  Thank you for praying for our family, our birth mother, birth father, their families, and our sweet baby while we wait.

  

Checking Things Off the List

{the very long list}

Naturally the question we get asked the most is, "How's the adoption process going?" This is such a hard question to answer because there are so many details going on behind the scenes.  We try so hard to give people a true picture of how it's going, but honestly it is hard to put into words.  Most of you know that we submitted our massive amount of paperwork back in early January.  After that the agency sends you a checklist of the next steps in the process:

Since then we have been working to get all these details finished up.  In the last month we have:

• Completed our 6 hour parenting class
• Andrea completed CPR/First Aid training (DJ already had this due to his job)
• Submitted our marriage license and birth certificates
• Submitted paperwork for criminal history check, child abuse history, and FBI clearance (we get fingerprinted tomorrow)
• Completed physicals for the medical report required
• Completed our photo album for the birth mother (we will submit this to the agency tomorrow to get feedback)

Now we just have these few details left to submit:

Then the next step is the interviews and home study.  Slowly but surely we are getting there... 

Domestic Adoption? Why?

We get asked all the time why we chose domestic versus international adoption. I have to be honest, I feel a little like we have to defend our decision at times.

So I thought I would try to put my thoughts into words here for anyone who is interested.  First, let me say that we believe in international adoption and at some point we may take that route, but for now this is where the Lord has led us.

But let me also say that we believe there is a huge need for domestic adoption.  I read an article recently talking about the need for domestic adoption if we are to be proponents of a pro-life movement.  This article put into words what I had been thinking but hadn't been able to put into words myself.

For us domestic adoption is as much about the ministry to the birth mom as it is about impacting the life of a child.  Domestic adoption is about providing an alternative to abortion.  Domestic adoption is about telling pregnant women that there are great families out there who would provide a great home to their baby.  Birth moms who choose adoption are not selfish.  In fact, choosing adoption is one of the most selfless decisions she could ever make.

For us, we choose domestic adoption because we feel that God has called us to this decision.  We know that there are many great reasons to choose other forms of adoption and even less expensive forms, but we also know that God has called us to this path for a purpose and we are excited about the plans He has for our forever family.  For all these reasons and more we choose domestic adoption.

Parents' Night Out Success!

A few months ago, my friend, Traci, came to me with a fundraiser idea.  She works at a local gymnastics center and she wanted to offer a parents' night out as a fundraiser for our adoption.  Parents were able to come drop off their kiddos for 2 hours of fun at the gym.  On Friday night, 42 kids showed up at the gym.  She divided the kids into groups and rotated them through stations, as well as pizza, and a craft.

I helped by manning the craft.  I found this idea on Pinterest and we ran with it.  All of the kids were able to create a watercolor picture and the older kids also added clear glue and salt to the pics.  It didn't turn out quite as neat as the way the blogger describes the original idea, but overall it was fun (especially since it worked for a huge range of ages - from 2 - 12!)

The fundraiser, on the other hand, was a huge success! We were able to raise $533 for our adoption!  Wow!  We were amazed!  More than that I was just amazed at everyone's willingness to come out to help us.  Traci organized volunteers that helped with each age group.  Many of these volunteers didn't even know us, but they were still willing to come out and help.  Amazing!  Traci's sister and husband also both came out to help. Another one of the volunteers was a sweet college student (now graduated) that I had in class and I even received an email yesterday from another one of my college students saying that if we ever do another fundraiser requiring child care again, she would love to help.  Wow!  That's all I can say... wow... walking through the adoption process has been nothing but a blessing and I know the biggest blessing is yet to come!

Thank you so much to Traci and Ryan Kana, Ashley Mensik, Emily Sudtelgte, and all the other volunteers!  Also a big thank you to Beamers Gymnastics and Cheerleading!

Parents' Night Out Adoption Fundraiser

We are so excited to announce our next adoption fundraiser!  We are having a parents' night out this Friday and Beamer's Gymnastics and Cheerleading Gym.  My good friend, Traci, has generously offered the gym and her time (as well as recruiting volunteers).  Parents can drop off their little ones (as long as they are potty trained) for 2 hours of gymnastics fun, as well as pizza and crafts! We are doing a  suggested donation of $10 per child.

When: Friday night, August 16, 6:00-8:00 pm
Where: Beamer's Gym
133 Tannehill Dr.
Abilene, TX 79602
Who: Kids ages 2.5 - 12 years (little ones must be potty trained)
Cost: Suggested donation of $10/child
You can pay online at our adoption fundraiser website or cash when you arrive.

We are so excited to see you Friday night, but be sure to sign up because space is limited.

Thanks so much!!!

Get your Adoption Shirts Now!

Our adoption t-shirts are designed and ready to sell!  As we were trying to think about what we would like our t-shirt to look like I thought about other adoption shirts I had seen.  Many shirts for international adoptions had an outline of the country where the baby was born.  Since our adoption is domestic, I started thinking about how could we design it with the shape of our country or since we are from Texas, our state.  This made me think of the popular shirts that have the state outline with the simple word "home."  And our design was born...

The front of the shirt says:

 I helped a child come home.

The back says:

 Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf welcomes me.

 -Jesus (Matt.18:5) 

Choose life ... support adoption.

www.christianhomes.com 

Your color choices are navy, maroon, and gray (and we are thinking of adding a purple option).  If you have a color request, please let us know!  We can also order youth sizes.  If you need youth sizes, just add it to the comment section.  

Here is the link for you to order your shirt. 

Thank y'all so much for supporting our adoption and more importantly, impacting the life of a child!  

What's the Next Step?

Many have asked, "What's the next step?"  At this point we have not heard from the birth mom we met with in June so we are operating under the assumption that she has chosen a different family, which is completely fine.  We continue to pray for her daily and whichever family the Lord has for that precious baby girl, knowing that our babe has already been hand-picked as well.  

So what's next... well, at this point we are focusing our efforts on fundraising.  As soon as we have raised the amount for the Home Study we will submit our paperwork and get that ball rolling.  About a month ago we had a fantastic garage sale and we were so blessed when a couple we met at our adoption orientation showed up with a check... wow, talk about humbling and encouraging!  We raised around $850 that day and still had a garage full of items that did not sell.  So we basically left it all set up in the garage and decided to have another sale this past weekend.  We sold almost EVERYTHING!  At the end we had about 3 oxen of stuff that we panned to donate and a man drove up and asked if he could buy all of it and haul it off for us!  Sure you can!  In addition, we had another sweet family show up and hand us a card, which we later found out had a $500 check in it!  Wow!  We are completely amazed at the Lord's faithfulness!  

Our next plan is to get the t-shirts designed asap so that we may begin selling those and we are also working on our dinner fundraiser plans.  We will keep you posted as soon as all of the details are worked out.  Thanks so much for loving our family and enough to read this!  You are each a blessing to us! 

Why Does Adoption Cost So Much?

One of the questions we get asked all the time is, "Why does adoption cost so much?!?"  Many people have even asked us why we chose our agency instead of adopting through the State or even a cheaper agency.  These are tough questions, but we want to answer them in hopes that people can understand that this was not just a decision we came to overnight.  This was a decision that we put much research and prayer into making and I hope that this post may be helpful for understanding our journey and adoption as a whole.

Why We Chose Domestic Adoption:
We have a heart for both domestic and international adoption and plan to adopt internationally at some point; however, as we began the overwhelming task of researching adoption we found that domestic adoption offers clear guidelines and parameters (as much as possible) and we were able to find an amazing agency within miles of our home. We decided that for our first child we would walk through domestic adoption of an infant, and then see where God leads us in the future in regards to choosing a country or age for future international or domestic adoptions.

How and Why We Chose Christian Homes and Family Services for our Agency:
Back in the fall of 2011, we received an invitation in the mail to attend an event benefiting Christian Homes and Family Services.  David L. Cook,  the author of the book Seven Days in Utopia was scheduled to be the keynote speaker.  We had recently seen the movie based on the book and really enjoyed it, so we were excited about the possibility of hearing the author speak.  In addition, God had begun tugging on our heart about adoption, so we were also naturally interested in the event.  God used the event to speak to us in many ways and as a vehicle for nudging us to begin our adoption journey.

It was at this point we began to research the MANY different avenues for adoption.  This process can be extremely overwhelming, but if you are considering this process I would encourage to just begin searching the Internet and reading all that you can.  In addition, talk to people you know and spend lots of time in prayer over this decision.

We had already heard great things about the agency and were very impressed from the event we attended, but we didn't just stop there.  We spent hours and hours reading all that we could about all the different ways to adopt.  In the end, we chose Christian Homes.

We believe the history of the Agency speaks for itself.  I have included the history below (from their website - I have bolded some points that were important to us).  In addition, one of the things we loved about the agency was their incredible ministry to the birth mothers.  Yes, we could have chosen to go through the state (which is very needed form of adoption) but for us the birth mother is paramount and we believe shining Christ to her through this agency is another way we can indirectly impact her.

At our orientation, they were very upfront with us in saying that they are not the cheapest agency out there but they are also not the most expensive (they right in the middle).  They helped us to understand the costs involved and why they believed these costs were necessary and important to both the birth mother, us, and the baby.  To us excellence in ministry is very important and we believe Christian Homes and Family Services does that well.  Their history is listed below and then I have included the approximate cost of the adoption below that.

Our History

For decades Christian Homes & Family Services has been known as two agencies: Christian Homes of Abilene, a ministry originally conceived by the Highland Church of Christ in 1962 to provide foster care for young needy children; and Christian Services of East Texas, a ministry given life in 1975 by the Glenwood Church of Christ in Tyler also to provide foster care for children rescued from neglect and abuse.

In 1999, the two independent agencies, both recognized as 501(c) 3 organizations by the Internal Revenue Service, merged and in 2006, the agency began operating under the same assumed name, Christian Homes & Family Services.

Almost as soon as Christian Homes began operating, it discovered and began responding to a desperate need for maternity care for young women with unplanned pregnancies. For more than 50 years, Christian Homes has provided residential and community-based care for young women with unplanned pregnancies. Most often, the care culminates in the agency finding loving parents to adopt their precious babies.

When a young woman with an unplanned pregnancy reaches out to Christian Homes for maternity care, our goal is that through the ministry, her life, as well as the life of her child, will be transformed. We may arrange for her housing, either in our comfortable apartments in Abilene or in her hometown, and we may also provide her food, clothing, medical care, legal services, moral support, counseling, and if needed, foster care for her newborn.

Our Abilene foster parents stand in the gap for birth mothers and adoptive parents. Foster parents love and care for newborn babies who must leave the hospital before all the legal hurdles have been jumped and they are cleared for adoption by their new and forever family. Infant foster care is provided according to the same strict standards as is required by the State for all foster care provided for minor children.

For young children who have been removed by the State from the home they likely shared with biological parents or relatives but where they were abused or neglected, our goal is that a Christian Homes’ foster family will be the last foster home they ever need. Our ministry is to identify, train, and prepare loving, Christian couples to welcome young foster children into their home and to ultimately make them a forever member of their family through adoption.

Christian Homes & Family Services is governed by a 23-member Board of Trustees who for more than three decades has operated independently of its founding church congregations. The agency is served by a 21-member team of dedicated employees; five of whom have worked for the agency more than 25 years. All trustees and employees are faithful and committed Christians. The agency is licensed by the State of Texas to provide maternity care and foster care, and in both Texas and Oklahoma to provide adoption services.

Approximately 40% of the agency’s $2 million budget is funded by adoption fees. For the balance, the agency relies on the generosity of individuals, churches, sympathetic businesses, foundations, and sound investing of the dollars donated to the agency’s endowment fund.

Since 1962 Christian Homes & Family Services has placed more than 1850 precious babies and children into loving adoptive homes, provided maternity care for more than 2500 women, and cared for more than 1570 foster children.

Christian Homes Fee Schedule:

• Pre-application -              $95
• Orientation -                    $250
• Application -                   $750
• Home Study -                 $1500
• Social Services -             $4,800
• Marketing -                    $6,000
• Match/Placement -         $10,000 - $25,000 (sliding scale based on income of adoptive family)
• Parental Termination -   $1,500
• Consummation -              varies

Approximate Total Costs -       $25,895 - $40, 895

Hopefully this gives you a better idea of why adoption costs so much and helps you have a little insight into this huge process.  We believe it is important to be transparent with people, as much as possible, about the process of adoption because that helps you to better understand how you can love and support us through this journey, but hopefully it will also give you a heart for caring for the orphans in some way as well.

We are all called to care for the orphans, but we are not all called to adopt.  You might consider helping to care for the orphans by supporting our family through prayer, donating your time or services, or donating financial resources to help provide a home for a child.

Crazy Roller Coaster Ride

A few weeks ago we experienced our craziest day yet walking through the adoption process... we met with a birth mother.

We haven't shared this publicly until now because ultimately it is up to her (really the Lord) to choose us and at this point she has not chosen us.

But WOW, this is one crazy roller coaster ride so far.  I describe it as a roller coaster ride because I am not sure people can truly understand the range of emotions experienced unless you have also walked through this process.

It is similar to thinking you might be pregnant, but don't know for sure... except this baby might come much sooner than 9 months from now (this particular birth mom is due in October).

It was similar to a job interview, except it was the most important job interview we will ever attend because it is interviewing for parenthood (except most people never have to "interview" to become a parent).  

At this point, I cannot imagine how my heart will hold up if we have to do this again and again.

Don't get me wrong, we are doing well... this is such an exciting journey.  We know for a FACT that the Lord is in complete control and he has hand picked each of our children way before we ever had the ability to even consider adoption.  But I just have to be real and say this is an unbelievably hard journey, which requires us to walk in complete reliance on the Lord - which is the sweetest place to be.

So now for the details (which is why you are here in the first place, right?) ...

Towards the end of May we received a message from some friends indicating that they had learned of a birth mom who is looking for a good family and they wondered if we were interested in meeting with her.  We agreed to meet with her to see if this was a possibility.

On a Saturday a few weeks ago, we drove to the Metroplex, where she lives, to meet with this sweet girl.  It was a beautiful afternoon, so we sat outside on the patio underneath a umbrella and waited for her to arrive.  I can't even begin to put words to the emotions we felt as we sat there waiting for her to arrive.  But soon they arrived (she and her mom) and the conversation flowed fairly easily.

Kate (not her real name) is 18 and her mom is only 3 years older than me and younger than DJ.  Her mom (I'll call her Missy) had Kate at 18 and she was really encouraging Kate to give the baby up for adoption because she wants her granddaughter to be able to have the life she was not able to provide for Kate.  Kate was also very much on board with the plan of adoption, although we did sense how difficult this decision is for her.

Kate and Missy asked us some very difficult questions and at times it seemed that they were looking for very specific answers in return.  They were so warm and friendly in response to our answers, but we really don't know exactly how our answers matched up with what they are looking for.

Kate was very interested in Open Adoption (which is what we are choosing to do) and wanted to know how "open" we are to open adoption.  We shared how important she is to us as the birth mom and that our baby would know from the beginning that he/she is adopted.  DJ did a great job of explaining to her that our adoption counselor with Christian Homes would be able to help us set up the expectations and parameters for our open adoption and that this would be something that we would all come to a written agreement about.  (Side note:  Open adoption has become the most common form of adoption today and I will write another post later about how this works and why it is the method we have chosen for our family.)

They asked us if the baby would go to private school or if we would choose to homeschool.  I shared with them my heart for public school and some simple reasons why we had chosen that path for our family.  We told them that our children would either attend the school where I teach or the great school in our neighborhood.

They also asked if I would be staying home with the baby or what our plans were for childcare if I continued to work.

We shared with them many, many details about our life... our jobs, family, church, home etc.

Faith was very important to them and we were able to share the up most importance that Christ holds in our lives.  They also asked specific questions about our church and denomination.

Before we left DJ asked if could pray for us.  We prayed and then told Kate that we would continue to pray for her regardless of whether or not she chose us for her baby.  We also told her that the ball is in her court.  We are very open to meeting with her again or talking on the phone if she has more questions, but we are not going to contact her again unless she chooses to make contact.  We gave her the contact information for our adoption agency, in case she was interested.

We walked away feeling hopeful, but also guarded. From the beginning we were so excited about the opportunity to meet her, but we also tried to guard our hearts knowing that she may not choose us.  At this point, it has been 3 weeks and we have not heard from her.  We are OK with that because we know God is sovereign, but we would definitely ask you to pray for us as walk this exciting but difficult journey.  We wouldn't have it any other way and we are so excited for the testimony God is unfolding for our precious babes even before they are ever born.

Faith in the Details

I walked into my classroom this morning to find a gift on my desk.  Since it is Valentine's day I assumed that one of my students had brought it in before I arrived.

 I glanced at the gift quickly, but decided to wait to open it until the giver made their arrival in a few minutes.   It sat amongst other smaller gifts that I had already received this week from my little ones.

"Wow," I thought, "someone really put a lot of thought into this."

I quickly began to get ready for my day because my first graders would be arriving soon.  As the kids arrived I expected someone to proudly tell me that they had brought the beautiful gift on my desk.  No one did.  So a few minutes later I asked them who had given it to me.  They did not know.

At this point, I began to look at the gift a little more carefully.  I noticed the photograph collage with the word "faith," the jar of pink tulips (my favorite), a Sonic drink, and a Snickers (also my favorite). It was all tucked neatly inside a wooden crate.  I tasted the Sonic drink and realized it was cream Dr. Pepper, a new favorite that a friend I work with had introduced to me in the past year.

"Oh!  This is a gift from a friend who works with me! But which friend?"

There were a couple who knew the struggles of our past year... taking the scary step of faith to begin the adoption process, pregnancy, miscarriage, pause in the process...

I am now mentally trying to decide which friend had been so thoughtful to put this together.  Maybe a few of them?

You may be wondering, why I did not automatically assume this was from my husband...

It completely has his name written all over it, but he was out of town on a basketball trip for work and the few days before he left were filled with busyness, so I knew he did not have time to orchestrate this gift.

But then I saw it... tied neatly in the bow around the mouth of the mason jar was a jump drive.

Oh my! I covered my mouth and gasped... the tears began to flow.  Who had done this?!  I'm mentally trying to think who knew that I had carefully put away our adoption jump drive after the miscarriage?  I put it in a very safe place, a place so safe that we still have no recollection of the location!

I left my students with my student teacher and quickly ran (i.e  which translates to quick walking feet in an elementary school) to my friends' classrooms.

"Did you do it?"

Looks of confusion...

"Do what?"

Finally I found Libby.  "Did you do it?! How did you do it?"

She gives me a little grin.

"It wasn't me.  It was your husband."

Now I am so confused, but also thinking, "How ridiculous could I be?!  Of course it was him... but how?!"

She says, "I put it in your room, but you need to call him.  I don't want to give it away.  Let him tell you the details."

At this point, I am so overwhelmed with emotion and excitement.  I run to the phone and call him at his hotel in New Braunfels.  I wake him up... but he is happy to explain.

He tells me he thought of the idea the day before and had called the agency to explain our story.  He calls Margaret at Christian Homes and Family Services (our amazing adoption agency).  He spills the whole story about why we had misplaced the jump drive.  He tells how the Lord has been clearly telling us in the last few weeks that we need to step out in faith and trust Him in this.  Finally he asks if it would be possible to get a new jump drive.

 Margaret says, "Of course! But my assistant is out today and she is the one who loads all of the application files onto the jump drive."

DJ tells her not to worry about it today and says, he can just get it next week.  No problem.

But Margaret insists that she will see what she can do.

15 minutes later, Margaret calls back and tells him that she explained the whole story to her assistant and she said, "I love the Gilillands!  I want to take care of this today!"

Margaret tells him that he can come by after 2:00, so he runs across town to take care of this before he needs to leave with the team at 3:00.  Next he calls Libby's husband and asks for the favor.  He takes the jump drive to Ryan and then calls Libby to ask her to help him get the rest.

He explains he wants to recreate this song that we love called "Wal-Mart Flowers," but he needs a few things.  Libby selflessly goes to pick out the items and texts him pictures of the items she finds to get his final decision.

He decides on the faith collage since the Lord is clearly calling us to step out in faith.

As he speaks, I am in complete awe!  I am so in love with this sweet man the Lord has chosen for me, and also so excited that God is orchestrating our adoption story with each perfect detail.

I cannot wait to share these details one day with the precious one He has already chosen for us!

Stepping out in Faith

Wow... it has been a full year since I have been able to blog.

It has been a challenging year.  After our second miscarriage, I struggled for at least a few months to feel like myself again.  I think my husband was really worried.  I didn't know how much I struggled until now when I can look back upon the whole thing.

If I am honest, I haven't blogged this past year because I haven't known how to answer the questions about the pause in our adoption process.  I kept thinking we would get back to it soon.  We wanted to get back to it.  I think we both believed we would get back in the grove much sooner than this, but we both felt so much fear in the process.

Most of fear came from the fact that we had no idea how to pay the enormous expenses of adoption.  We know that most people fundraise to at least help pay for their adoption, and that has always been our plan... but somehow we have still held onto this almost unspeakable fear of asking people to help.

When I step outside of myself, it sounds silly even to me.  I am person who naturally trusts that God provides (this is not a compliment to me at all, but just part of my natural, God-given personality).  However, somehow stepping out in faith in this has felt really scary and awkward.

Where do we begin?  We still aren't completely sure...

I think we have some good ideas, but we still need to nail everything down.

But I can say that the Lord is doing a huge work in our hearts and it is really incredible to know He is working... and also a lot of fun. I am excited about the anticipation of it all.  I can't wait to see how His plan unfolds.

At this point, there are still a lot of unknowns but I just wanted to share a little bit of how you can pray for us right now.  We are planning to begin the fundraising process in the near future.  Right now we are researching and making some decisions about where to begin.

There are so MANY options!  Pray that God would guide us through these scary and humbling decisions.  Pray that we would be willing to step out in faith wherever He leads.

There are so many reasons to wait... but we desire to be obedient.  So please pray that we would not wait any longer than He wants us to and that fear would not be an issue.

My hope is that we will have some fundraising news soon.

We know that God doesn't call everyone to adopt but he does call us all to care for the orphans.  One way you can do this is by praying for us as we begin this process (again).

This morning my Bible study just happened to be over this verse (don't believe for one second that I thought this was a coincidence):

Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world.  James 1:27

He is doing BIG things and I can't wait to share more of it with you later.

Update: Some Highs and Lows

The past month has held some of our highest highs and lowest lows; Although, I can say that the Lord is faithful through the good and the bad.  

As many of you know, we started the adoption process in January. I can't even describe the excitment we felt. Then a few days later we found out that we were pregnant.  I was amazed. My blood work came back with glowing reports from our doctor, which was really exciting since I had a miscarriage about 2 years ago. I felt beyond blessed.  

One month ago, we found out about this precious little life growing inside me.  Later that same week we began to have complications with the pregnancy. My super-great hormone levels dropped about 20 points.  That may not sound like a big deal, but it is. Our doctor explained that when your levels decline -even a little- it means the baby is not thriving. However, my doctor was not ready to give up or believe the pregnancy was ending, so he wanted to check my levels again on Monday.  That was one of the longest, most desperate weekends of my life. Our levels should have been doubling, not declining. But we were hopeful, we began to pray fervently for a miracle.  At first I felt pretty hopeless, but then God began to restore my hope. By Monday I believed that our baby would live.  I began to let myself think again about how our life would change sometime in September.  Monday I received some amazing news.  My levels had almost tripled! It was a miracle! My doctor could attribute it to nothing less. We knew the power of prayer had made the difference. 

On Wednesday, my doctor had me come back in to check my levels again. This time my levels did not double.  They went from about 520 to 720. My doctor said it wasn't enough. He said we were having a miscarriage. I was not ready to hear this. My doctor was ready to do a D&C because he was a concerned that my pregnancy was ectopic, which could obviously be dangerous for me. I was not ready to do the D&C because my levels were still rising a little However, my comfort lied in the fact that my doctor is also a believer, so I knew that he would save my baby at all costs. We soon learned that just wasn't possible. 

The following day we arrived at his office to have an ultrasound. The ultrasound revealed that there was no sac growing in my uterus.  It was still a little to early to actually see the baby, but my doctor said we would be able to see the sac if the baby were developing properly. There was no sac.  We discussed our options and risks.  We decided to do one more blood test the following morning and if my levels had stopped rising, then I would have the D&C on Friday.  We went home Thursday night and prayed that our numbers would be conclusive in the morning. 

Later that night, we went out to eat and I began to have cramps.  As we arrived home my pain became much worse, so DJ called the dr. He sent us to the ER (Still concerned with the possibility of a tubal pregnancy).

 That night my doctor decided it would be best if I checked into the hospital.  They did another ultrasound revealing again that the baby was not growing properly.  In the morning, we found out that my pregnancy hormone levels had stopped rising.  These were the conclusive results we needed to help us make our decision.  Later that day, I underwent anesthesia and had the D&C.  The last time we went through this, I cane out of anesthesia easily and went home only a few hours after the surgery; however this time, when I awoke I had some trouble coming out of the anesthesia.   They required me to hold down some food before I would be allowed to go home and that just wasn't happening.  Finally at 9 pm I was able to finish my meal, prove that I could walk without dizziness, and we were allowed to go home. 

I spent the next few days in bed recovering both emotionally and physically, although the emotional healing will take much longer.  Finally on Tuesday, I knew that I needed to make my way back to work and attempt a "normal" day.  I do did not want to get out of bed that day, but I forced myself to head to school because I knew I needed it.  I was so right.  That day when I got home, my sweet husband had relief on his face. He said that I had my coloring back and also my smile. There is something about 22 eight year olds that can remind me that God still has a purpose for my life.

At this moment, we are just taking it day by day. We know that we will continue the adoption process (probably soon) but at this moment we just aren't ready to work on the paperwork. I know that God is mending our hearts and we are just trusting Him through this. I knew that I needed to post this because so many people are asking about how the process is going and I never really know how to respond. A few times I have just said that we haven't finished the paperwork yet, and other times I share our story, but that can be a little awkward for the person who doesn't know what to say. People often look like a deer in the headlights when I tell them what happened. I'm not intending to make anyone feel uncomfortable, but I also want to be real and transparent about what the Lord is doing in our lives. When people ask how I'm doing I really don't know what to say. Somedays I say "good" and other days I say "ok." But if I'm honest, I would say this is really hard and we are grieving; although that is not to say that we aren't ok. We are completely blessed and we know that God has big plans for our lives. Thanks for praying for us as we grieve, rejoice, and heal. He will bring us through. I will keep you posted when we get back to truckloads of adoption paperwork.

Blessings,
Andrea

Our Exciting New Adventure!

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, ⁴even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love ⁵he predestined usfor adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, ⁶to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.
Ephesians 1:3-6


We have begun an exciting journey and I can't wait to share it with you!  This weekend we attended our adoption orientation with Christian Homes.  I cannot even describe what an incredible experience this was.  The weekend was spent learning all the details of adoption (and wow! There are a lot of details!).  We went home after day number 1 a little overwhelmed by the details and especially the cost, but also so excited.  


I was fascinated to learn about a newer trend in open adoption. They told us that many people may offer us many opinions about why they don't think open adoption is good idea.  However, we learned how open adoption is actually the best possible scenario.  Through open adoption the birth mother actually chooses us. She chooses us because she loves her baby so much that she wants to give him what she knows she cannot and because she chose us she would never consider trying to steal her baby back (as some might think would be a risk of open adoption).  We learned that open adoption is now the most "normal" and common practice within adoption. 


On day 2 we were able to participate in a question and answer time with adoptees, birth moms, and adoptive parents.  The  time spent with the adoptive parents gave us such a peace and allowed us to walk away knowing the Lord would provide.  The couples were so open and honest and shared their fears during the whole process.  This spoke so much to our hearts because we shared so many of the same fears.  The best part was as one couple shared about the financial aspect of adoption. They told us how they wondered how they could ever adopt after they learned of the huge costs involved (which is one of our huge fears).  But then they shared how their friends and family were more than excited to support them through this process.  They said that in the end, they had to say, "we have enough, we don't need any more."  How incredible is that?!  I shared this with my father and I think he was overwhelmed by the whole cost.  I'm not sure that he is confident that fundraising portion will work out well, but I have such a peace about it and I cannot wait to share with him about the Lord's faithfulness.  I am confident that he will provide.  


I felt so much peace when they shared how it's in our human nature to think we must "pay" for our baby by ourselves, but then he told us how allowing others to walk along side of us through this process is a blessing to them.  We heard time and time again how we need to allow others to give and how this is what they want to do.  This calmed my heart so much.  


We are now working on our 100 page application on the iadopt jump drive.  We each have to write our own autobiographies and then together we will create our birth mother letter, and finally our photo album for the birthmothers to use as they make their choices.  Tomorrow is my first class as a college instructor and I have a few things to finish for my first class, but all I want to do is work on our application! We are so excited!  The most exciting part was when they told us that the average family is able to meet their baby in LESS THAN A YEAR!!!  That is wild!  This time next year life could be very different!  We will keep you updated on the process.  Thanks for joining us in prayer as we walk this exciting journey!